Why Can't You Turn and Face Me?

I actually tried to call my Mom the other day. What the hell was i thinking? Some miraculous melody of "it's so good to hear from you" and "how are you doing?" Not my mom. I really don't know what I expected, I just felt the urge to call for some reason. But there was no answer. *Whew* After all of the years of abuse and hurt that woman caused me, she shouldn't get the priviledge of talking to me.

So I am a stay at home mom, a house dweller. And I should do more around the house. Zach is feeling the pressure of me not having a job and it's getting to him. We had a falling out the other night about all of this ... it's hard to explain, I mean I just don't feel good most of the time. I am going to try and do more around the house. So that should help out. I want to be able to contribute and I do some with child support and SSI but I want my disability to come thru so that I am doing more. Just pray and cross everything that this be approved. I don't know what else to do.... It's been going on 2 years and I am getting tired. ....

This song reminds me of my mom ~ "Passive" by A Perfect Circle:

“Dead as dead can be,” my doctor tells meBut I just can’t believe him, ever the optimistic oneI’m sure of your ability to become my perfect enemyWake up and face me, don’t play dead cause maybeSomeday I will walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”Maybe you’re better off this wayLeaning over you here, cold and catatonicI catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have beenIt's your right and your ability To become…my perfect enemy…Wake up (we'll catch you) and face me (come one now), Don’t play dead (don't play dead) Cause maybe (because maybe)Someday I’ll (someday I'll) walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”Maybe you’re better off this wayMaybe you’re better off this wayMaybe you’re better off this wayMaybe you’re better off this wayYou’re better of this; you’re better off this;Maybe you’re better off!Wake up (can't you) and face me (come on now), Don’t play dead (don't play dead)Cause maybe (because maybe)Someday I’ll (someday I'll) walk away and say, “You fucking disappoint me!”Maybe you’re better off this wayGo ahead and play deadI know that you can hear thisGo ahead and play deadWhy can't you turn and face me?Why can't you turn and face me?Why can't you turn and face me?Why can't you turn and face me? You fucking disappoint me!Passive aggressive bullshit

'Til the next haunt ~