Thanks to Jacquelyn

I have a new header .. what do you think ? I aboslutely love it ! Thanks hunny !

We got Austin's surgery date ~ March 2nd. the hospital will call us Feb 27 to let us know what time to be ther e and his drinking and eating schedule before surgery. I am so nervous. I am sure he will do fine, but I am a mom, I can't help but be nervous.

I have the Tarot of Transfermation and drew this card today ~ the 1 of wands ~ grounding for creativity. I hope this means my writers block is starting to go away. I did actually write a poem on Feb 10th which I will share with you in a minute. This card means the starting or beginning of new thinking, thoughts and ideas. An unstoppable moviement. It is however the Ace of Wants which makesit a pretty pwerful card.While cards 2-19 in this suite mean hiding from the truth or afraid of facing the truth, this card means the opposite. Mental forces, truth and justice, fortitude and strengtj.

I have seen He's Just Not That Into You 3 times so far and I absolutely love it. I can't wait for it to come out on DVD. I mainly watched for Justin Long and boy was he a cutie in this movie. If you haven't seen it, RUN to your nearest theater. Don't think about it, just go!

Ok here is the poem I write the other day ~ It's called "Transenction"

There's this way you touch my face

It trancends all of space and time

It keeps me grounded in this place

You make me feel amazed and fine

As you caress my shoulder, I am transported

To a stream of concsiousness that takes me away

As I sink into your arms I know that I am supported

Sweet kisses acress my neck fade the day away

As our bodies mesh into one, I feel a completeness

One that makes magical happenings flow about

As I lay in your arms I am amazed by your sweetness

And I know that instantly you have gained some clout

Copyright@Renee Feb 11 2009

Well there ya have it , the first poem I have written in months. It's not very good but it's a start,

I found this on the net the other day which I just found heartfelt and it really spoke to me, there was no copyright info, so if it is yours let me know and iwill gladly credit ~ It's called "Weaving"

We must learn to walk in balancesacred steps to takeWeaving peace and understandingthrough all that we createA tapestry of love and lightfinest threads of goldSacred flame ever burning brightthrough all that we beholdWhen we learn to walk in balancethe healing will take placeThe healing of this earth Our Motherthe healing of the human raceA tapestry of love and lightfinest threads of goldsacred flame ever burning brightthrough all that we behold.

Isn't that amazing?

Yesterday was a great day off with the family , we got laundry and dishes done and then we went and bought a couple of shelfs for our bedroom so I could get some of my witchy stuff up off the floor and get my altar organized. I must say it looks great!!!!!!!

Anyway, I think I have rambled on long enough this time, so I will let you go ~

'Til the next haunt .........

I can see clearly now

I went and had my eye exam the other day and my vision had gotten worse so getting these new glasses was awesome! I can actually see things far away now and not have to hold a book up to my nose to read it.

We had to get rid of our dog. He bit me yesterday morning on my lip so I had to go to the minor emergency center. They reported it to the animal control who came and got my dog yesterday. We signed the dog over to him to go be adopted again, just too much for us to take. It's a little sad but for the best.

Austin is still doing amazing on his medicines. He is on 2 now and they are helping him quite a bit. I am loving him so much on these medicines....he is like a different boy.. not that I didn't love him before, but you know what I mean.

Zach is going to start his radiology program soon at school. It will be very difficult on us financially but it is something that will help us in the longrun. So we just have to keep that in mind.

Work is still going well, I don't really like working Saturdays, but what can I do?! Anyway, enough about that ....

'Til the next haunt .....

Reaching

After I get off work Friday, we are going to hit a couple of sales around here so I can get some more work clothes -- I really need some.

My friend, Dianne Sylvan, who is also my fave author, has drawn something really amazing .. it's up here at her Deviant art page .. you can order the print... I want one for Christmas! I feel bad, I was supposed to go to her birthday party last weekend but we couldn't get a babysitter. Maybe next year! I really miss seeing her.

Austin is continuing to do well on his medicine. Just today we were standing in McDonald's and he looked at me, smiling, and said, "Why am I so happy?" I told him the medicine is working and it makes me happy, too. He just gave me a hug. How amazing is that?!

This is a Tarot deck I am waiting for ~ here ~. So amazing!

Anyway that is the latest from me .... looking forward to my day off tomorrow for Thanksgiving.

'Til the next haunt .....

PS ~ Lost comes back January 21 ! I so cannot wait!

A Sigh of Relief

So Austin has been really depressed. He even threatened to kill himself at school the other day. He has been moody, angry and all in all hard to deal with. It's been quite the toll on me. But, today, he went to the psychiatrist and he put him on Risperadone 4 mg and I gave him one and already I can see a difference! I didn't realize the medicine would work that fast. But it is certainly a welcome thing. I can finally talk to him without him freaking out. It's a wonderful feeling.

Things are still going great at the bank. I really really like it. And the time just flies by really quickly so that is good.

Austin had some DVDs that he no longer wanted so we put them on Ebay and we sold them! So we are going to give the money to Austin. He is excited.

Zach's parents are coming in for Thanksgiving. They are coming Wednesday night and staying that night and Thursday and they are headed back to Port Lavaca Thursday night. His mom works at a bank too so she has to be back at work Friday. I am excited to have them come, they have never come to visit us before so this should be fun.

Anyway, that is the latest from here .... leaving you with a song .... "Papercut" by Linkin Park:

Why does it feel like night today?Something in here's not right todayWhy am I so uptight today?Paranoia's all I got leftI don't know what stressed me firstor how the pressure was fed/but I know just what it feels likeTo have a voice in the back of my headIt's like a face that I hold insideA face that awakes when I close my eyesA face that watches everytime I lieA face that laughs every time I fall(And watches everything)So I know that when it's time to sink or swimThe face inside is here in me/right underneath my skinIt's like I'm/paranoid lookin' over my backIt's like a/whirlwind inside of my headIt's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing withinIt's like the face inside is right beneath my skinI know I've got a face in mePoints out all the mistakes to meYou've got a face on the inside too andYour paranoia's probably worseI don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't standEverybody acts like the fact of the matter isI can't add up to what you canBut everybody has a face that they hold insideA face that awakes when I close my eyesA face that watches everytime they lieA face that laughs everytime they fall(And watches everything)So you know that when it's time to sink or swimThat the face inside is watching you too/right inside your skinIt's like I'm/paranoid lookin' over my backIt's like a/whirlwind, inside of my headIt's like I/can't stop, what I'm hearing withinIt's like the face inside is right beneath the skinIt's like I'm/paranoid lookin' over my backIt's like a/whirlwind inside of my headIt's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing withinIt's like the face inside is right beneath my skin(The face inside is right beneath your skin)(The face inside is right beneath your skin)(The face inside is right beneath your skin)The sun goes downI feel the light betray meThe sun goes downI feel the light betray me(The sun)It's like I'm/paranoid looking over my backIt's like a/whirlwind inside of my headIt's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing within(I feel the light betray me)It's like the face inside is right beneath your skin(The sun)It's like I'm/paranoid looking over my backIt's like a/whirlwind inside of my headIt's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing within(I feel the light betray me)It's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing withinIt's like I/can't stop what I'm hearing withinIt's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

'Til the next haunt ...

You're getting closer to pushing me off of life's edge

It's been a quiet few days here. Not much has been going on. I am feeling empty as usual and trying to feel better is a dream at this point. I almost didn't post in here because I fear there is nothing to say and I don't want to bore people. My life really isn't that interesting. Zach has been great, always there with a kind word or a hug. I am really blessed to have him as a husband. He understands me and loves me anyway, can't beat that.

And Austin is wonderful, he has been going thru some self esteem problems, though, which has me worried. I don't like him not feeling good about himself. And he keeps saying he has "bad luck". He says he has no friends at school, that no one picks him there, and that he is by himself at recess. I feel for him, I want to make it better and there is nothing I can do ... I don't know what to do about it. I feel like he isn't happy and that is my fault. Maybe if I was happy, he would be, too. Though I don't show him the sad part of me, he only gets the smiles and such. So I doubt he even knows I am depressed.

I have a doctor's appointment Tuesday morning about my depression. See I take meds for my bipolar but am not on an anti depressant and maybe I should be on one. There isn't a psychiatrist here anymore so I have to go to my regular doctor for it. We will see what he says.

I called the hotel I applied for a job at and they said they weren't looking at resume's until next week so I have to wait for that. And the banks I applied at go thru their HR department so I just have to wait and see if they call. I know one of the banks sends out letters if you aren't qualified so I guess I can hope to not get one of them.

I wrote to a few of my fave celebrities a couple of months back and yesterday I received something from Alex O Loughlin, star of Moonlight. He sent me an autographed picture that says "To Renee Best Wishes , Alex O Loughlin xox" I was so excited! That gives me hope that I will get something from the rest of them! I wrote to James McAvoy, James Roday, Dule' Hill, Matt Damon and Evangeline Lilly. So we will see!

Leaving you with 3 Doors Down, "Loser":

Breathe in right away, Nothing seems to fill this placeI need this every time, Take your lies get off my caseSomeday I will find a loveThat flows through me like thisThis will fall away, this will fall awayYou’re getting closer to pushing meOff of life’s little edgeCause I’m a loser And sooner or laterYou know I’ll be deadYou’re getting closer, You’re holding the rope, I'm taking the fallCause I’m a loser, I’m a loser, yeahThis is getting old, I can’t break these chains that I holdMy body’s growing cold, There’s nothin left of this mind Or my soulAddiction needs a pacifier, The buzz of this poison is taking me higherThis will fall away, This will fall awayYou’re getting closer, to pushing meOff of life’s little edgeCause I’m a loser and sooner or laterYou know I’ll be deadYou’re getting closer, You’re holding the rope and I’m taking the fallCause I’m a loserYou’re getting closer, to pushing me Off of life’s little edgeCause I’m a loser and sooner or laterYou know I’ll be deadYou’re getting closer, You’re holding the rope And I’m taking the fallCause I’m a loser

'Til the next haunt ....