The job is mine!

I got the job! I am so excited :) I start the 28th and I couldn't be happier! The first week is training in Austin which is about an hour away. I am going to carpool with someone else who is going so I won't have to drive which is good. I was nervous about that.

Thought I would list my faves here .. since I don't have much else to talk about ...

Fave actors:

1. James McAvoy 2. James Roday 3. James Franco 4. Timothy Olyphant 5. Matthew Fox

Fave Actresses:

1. Evangeline Lilly 2. Angelina Jolie 3. Kate Winslet 4. Kerri Russell 5. Lena Headey

Fave TV shows:

1. Lost 2. Psych 3. House 4. True Blood 5. Moonlight

Fave Movies:

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 2. White Oleander 3. Laurel Canyon 4. Go
5. Heavenly Creatures

Fave bands/singers:

1. Linkin Park 2. Lacuna Coil 3. Within Temptation 4. 3 Doors Down 5. 3 Days Grace

'Til the next haunt ...

Now it seems I'm fading

I had a great job interview on Friday. It was at a bank and the hours of the job would be 10-2 Monday - Friday and some Saturdays from 9-1. I am so excited. The hours would be perfect for me and the bank is only about 5 minutes away. The lady who interviewed me said she was really impressed with me and that she really liked me. So that is a good sign. She said she would be making her decision Tuesday so I am nervous and awaiting tomorrow to come.

We went and saw Max Payne yesterday with Mark Wahlburg. It was okay, not that great. But it was good to get out. Then we went to Wal Mart and got a few things. Then later we went grocery shopping. I love Sundays, those are Zach's only days off so we usually spend it hanging out together. We also watched football. The Cowboys got beat bad and so did the Colts, another team I love. I love Peyton Manning so that is why I like the Colts.

Not much going on today, it's a quiet day. I have done dishes and some cleaning and that is about it. Tomorrow is my doctor's appointment which I am anxious for. Am going to talk to him about my depression and my back. So kill two birds with one stone there.

I hope that Austin has a better week in school. I really wish there was more I could do to help him, but there isn't. I went and had lunch with him Friday which he liked. I brought him McDonald's so he enjoyed that.

We have gotten some new Evangeline pictures the last couple of days so that has been good. She is so pretty. The pictures have been from her upcoming movie, Afterwards. I can't wait to see that movie! I hope it comes to the theater here. This is such a small town sometimes we don't get some movies, so I hope that Afterwards is one we will get. Also, The Sarah Conner Chronicles was ordered for the full season, so that is good news!

Leaving you with this song by Three Days Grace, "Take Me Under":

Now it seems I’m fadingAll my dreams are not worth savingI’ve done my share of waitingAnd I’ve still got nowhere else to goSo I wait for you toTake me all the wayTake me all the waySeems you’re wanting me to stayBut my dreams would surely waste awayAnd I still have nowhere else to goSo I wait for you toTake me all the wayTake me all the wayPush me underPull me furtherTake me all the wayTake me all the wayPush me underPull me furtherTake me all the wayTake me all the wayNow it seems you’re leavingBut we’ve only just begunAnd you’ve still got nowhere else to goSo I wait for you toTake me all the wayTake me all the wayPush me underPull me furtherTake me all the wayTake me all the wayPush me underPull me furtherTake me all the wayTake me all the wayAnd I’ve been waiting so longAnd I’ve been waiting so longAnd I’ve been waiting so longSo I wait for you toTake me all the wayPush me underPull me furtherTake me all the wayTake me all the wayPush me underPull me furtherTake me all the wayTake me all the wayAnd I’ve been waiting so longAnd I’ve been waiting so longAnd I’ve been waiting so longSo I wait for you toTake me all the wayTake me all the way

'Til the next haunt .....

You're getting closer to pushing me off of life's edge

It's been a quiet few days here. Not much has been going on. I am feeling empty as usual and trying to feel better is a dream at this point. I almost didn't post in here because I fear there is nothing to say and I don't want to bore people. My life really isn't that interesting. Zach has been great, always there with a kind word or a hug. I am really blessed to have him as a husband. He understands me and loves me anyway, can't beat that.

And Austin is wonderful, he has been going thru some self esteem problems, though, which has me worried. I don't like him not feeling good about himself. And he keeps saying he has "bad luck". He says he has no friends at school, that no one picks him there, and that he is by himself at recess. I feel for him, I want to make it better and there is nothing I can do ... I don't know what to do about it. I feel like he isn't happy and that is my fault. Maybe if I was happy, he would be, too. Though I don't show him the sad part of me, he only gets the smiles and such. So I doubt he even knows I am depressed.

I have a doctor's appointment Tuesday morning about my depression. See I take meds for my bipolar but am not on an anti depressant and maybe I should be on one. There isn't a psychiatrist here anymore so I have to go to my regular doctor for it. We will see what he says.

I called the hotel I applied for a job at and they said they weren't looking at resume's until next week so I have to wait for that. And the banks I applied at go thru their HR department so I just have to wait and see if they call. I know one of the banks sends out letters if you aren't qualified so I guess I can hope to not get one of them.

I wrote to a few of my fave celebrities a couple of months back and yesterday I received something from Alex O Loughlin, star of Moonlight. He sent me an autographed picture that says "To Renee Best Wishes , Alex O Loughlin xox" I was so excited! That gives me hope that I will get something from the rest of them! I wrote to James McAvoy, James Roday, Dule' Hill, Matt Damon and Evangeline Lilly. So we will see!

Leaving you with 3 Doors Down, "Loser":

Breathe in right away, Nothing seems to fill this placeI need this every time, Take your lies get off my caseSomeday I will find a loveThat flows through me like thisThis will fall away, this will fall awayYou’re getting closer to pushing meOff of life’s little edgeCause I’m a loser And sooner or laterYou know I’ll be deadYou’re getting closer, You’re holding the rope, I'm taking the fallCause I’m a loser, I’m a loser, yeahThis is getting old, I can’t break these chains that I holdMy body’s growing cold, There’s nothin left of this mind Or my soulAddiction needs a pacifier, The buzz of this poison is taking me higherThis will fall away, This will fall awayYou’re getting closer, to pushing meOff of life’s little edgeCause I’m a loser and sooner or laterYou know I’ll be deadYou’re getting closer, You’re holding the rope and I’m taking the fallCause I’m a loserYou’re getting closer, to pushing me Off of life’s little edgeCause I’m a loser and sooner or laterYou know I’ll be deadYou’re getting closer, You’re holding the rope And I’m taking the fallCause I’m a loser

'Til the next haunt ....

Pics

Me nad my new haircut ...... Austin and his long hair ~ Me and Austin.

Just wanted to share some new pics...hadn't taken

any in a while. Love to hear what you guys think!

Think I'm going to cry, don't know why

Texas won! We watched the Texas/OU game Saturday and yay Texas won 45-35. I was so happy. The Cowboys lost in overtime on Sunday. They gave it up ... should have won. Our weekend was filled with football.

Saturday I went and got my hair cut ... it's cute. It's shoulder length now, pretty short. But I like it, much more manageable.

I applied at a hotel and a bank, so am waiting to see if I hear back from either one of them. I hope that I do. I am going tomorrow to apply at another bank. I am trying that is for sure.

My depression is really starting to get the better of me. I have been down for a while now and I am not sure how to get back up. I am trying and Zach is being so great. I just don't know what to do ...

Leaving you with a song from Ani DeFranco ~ "Cradle and All":

fourteenth street and the garbage swirls like a cyclonethree o'clock in the afternoon and i am going homef-train is full of high school studentsso much shouting, so much laughterlast night's underwear in my back pocketsure sign of the morning aftertake me hometake me home and leave me therethink i'm going to cry, i don't know whythink i'm going to sing myself a lullabyfeel free to listenfeel free to starei live in new york, new york the city that never shuts upin the daylight everything is so goryyou can hear snatches of stranger's sorry storiesand i moved there from buffalo but that's nothingthe trico plant moved to mexicoleft my uncle standing out in the coldsaid here's your last paycheck have fun growing oldtake me hometake me home and leave me therethink i'm going to cry, i don't know whythink i'm going to sing myself a lullabyfeel free to listenfeel free to starerockabye babyin the tree topwhen the wind blowscradle will rockwhen the bough breaksthe cradle will falland down will come babycradle and allyouth is beautymoney is beautyhell, beauty is beauty sometimesit's the luck of the drawit's the natural lawit's a jokeit's a crimei was boredyou were boredit was a meeting of the mindsnow it's three in the afternoon and i can't leave too soonsaying thank you, i had a nice timetake me hometake me home and leave me therethink i'm going to cry, i don't know whythink i'm going to sing myself a lullabyfeel free to listenfeel free to starerockabye babyin the tree topwhen the wind blowscradle will rockwhen the bough breaksthe cradle will falland down will come babycradle and allmaybe i'll live my whole lifejust getting bymaybe i'll be discoveredmaybe i'll be colonizedyou could try to train me like a petyou could try to teach me to behavebut i'll tell you, if i haven't learned it yeti ain't gonna siti ain't gonna staytake me hometake me home and leave me therethink i'm going to cry, i don't know whythink i'm going to sing myself a lullabyfeel free to listenfeel free to stare

'Til the next haunt .....

There's a Light that I can't Find

I had to go to the emergency center yesterday. I pulled my back out ~ They gave me a shot, and prescriptions for steroids and pain meds. Fun stuff. I am not even sure how I did it , I was just aware of the intense pain!

My ex-boyfriend called me yesterday out of the blue. I hadn't talked to him in months. He just wanted to catch up and invite me to lunch sometime. It was good to talk to him. I don't know about lunch, I know that would bother Zach if i did that. But who knows.

Had open house tonight at the school and got to see some of Austin's work ~ It was great! He is really doing well and everyone I talked to about him gave him glowing reports.

I have been suffering from my depression for a while now. I can't seem to snap out of it. Of course, all of this job disappointment doesn't help. I just don't know what is wrong, so I can's seem to snap out of it. I need to see a psychiatrist and so does Austin but there isn't one in town. We would have to drive over an hour to get to one and that just does not sound appealing to me :( So we are just making it hoping that one opens. I really hope someone comes here. We need it desperately.

We had a break in our money situation, found some extra money in our savings account, not much, but it's enough to make do until next week. Thank the Goddess!

Leaving you with this song by 3 Doors Down ~"When I'm Gone":

There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There're secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Or maybe I'm just blind...
Or maybe I'm just blind...

So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I amAnd everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I couldI'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone...Love me when I'm gone...

When your execution X-Ray
Cannot see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
Roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone

Thank you Jacquelyn!

Thanks to Jacquelyn i have this awesome header. Now I feel at home here. Thank you so much sweetie!

Well things are going okay here .... I don't have a job right now and have been looking. The last few jobs haven't worked out for one reason or another so I am diligently hunting for something that will work. Maybe I am being too picky.

Going thru some money problems right now. See we bought me a new car ~ a 1992 Honda Accord and it's thrown us off our budget just a little. So it will take us a bit to catch back up.

Sharing a quote from the great Shawn Spencer of Psych: "Wait a minute Doogie. Is that a juice box and does it come in grapealicious?"

I just love that show.

Another new show addiction is True Blood, the new vampire series on HBO. It is really good, even got Jacquelyn into it!

Anyway, that is about all that is going on here. Austin is doing good .... he has been doing okay in school. They have added counseling and speech therapy to his list of services and so far he seems to be doing well. I am really impressed with this school!

Will post more later ~

'Til the next haunt ......

New blog

Is coming soon, once i get this place figured out!