It's been a quiet few days here. Not much has been going on. I am feeling empty as usual and trying to feel better is a dream at this point. I almost didn't post in here because I fear there is nothing to say and I don't want to bore people. My life really isn't that interesting. Zach has been great, always there with a kind word or a hug. I am really blessed to have him as a husband. He understands me and loves me anyway, can't beat that.
And Austin is wonderful, he has been going thru some self esteem problems, though, which has me worried. I don't like him not feeling good about himself. And he keeps saying he has "bad luck". He says he has no friends at school, that no one picks him there, and that he is by himself at recess. I feel for him, I want to make it better and there is nothing I can do ... I don't know what to do about it. I feel like he isn't happy and that is my fault. Maybe if I was happy, he would be, too. Though I don't show him the sad part of me, he only gets the smiles and such. So I doubt he even knows I am depressed.
I have a doctor's appointment Tuesday morning about my depression. See I take meds for my bipolar but am not on an anti depressant and maybe I should be on one. There isn't a psychiatrist here anymore so I have to go to my regular doctor for it. We will see what he says.
I called the hotel I applied for a job at and they said they weren't looking at resume's until next week so I have to wait for that. And the banks I applied at go thru their HR department so I just have to wait and see if they call. I know one of the banks sends out letters if you aren't qualified so I guess I can hope to not get one of them.
I wrote to a few of my fave celebrities a couple of months back and yesterday I received something from Alex O Loughlin, star of Moonlight. He sent me an autographed picture that says "To Renee Best Wishes , Alex O Loughlin xox" I was so excited! That gives me hope that I will get something from the rest of them! I wrote to James McAvoy, James Roday, Dule' Hill, Matt Damon and Evangeline Lilly. So we will see!
Leaving you with 3 Doors Down, "Loser":
Breathe in right away, Nothing seems to fill this placeI need this every time, Take your lies get off my caseSomeday I will find a loveThat flows through me like thisThis will fall away, this will fall awayYou’re getting closer to pushing meOff of life’s little edgeCause I’m a loser And sooner or laterYou know I’ll be deadYou’re getting closer, You’re holding the rope, I'm taking the fallCause I’m a loser, I’m a loser, yeahThis is getting old, I can’t break these chains that I holdMy body’s growing cold, There’s nothin left of this mind Or my soulAddiction needs a pacifier, The buzz of this poison is taking me higherThis will fall away, This will fall awayYou’re getting closer, to pushing meOff of life’s little edgeCause I’m a loser and sooner or laterYou know I’ll be deadYou’re getting closer, You’re holding the rope and I’m taking the fallCause I’m a loserYou’re getting closer, to pushing me Off of life’s little edgeCause I’m a loser and sooner or laterYou know I’ll be deadYou’re getting closer, You’re holding the rope And I’m taking the fallCause I’m a loser
'Til the next haunt ....
2 months ago
6 comments:
Sorry - bout that -- I deleted my comment cuz I was signed into the wrong account *lol*
*hugs*
It's wonderful that Zach is there for you.
Awww I feel for Austin too hun. I think that is a very worrisome part of motherhood -- whether or not your child will fit in. I'm not ever sure what to say to comfort you...
*hugs*
Hi, Renee! Thanks for the sweetness on my blog. It is nice to know that someone gets it. I only wish my husband did!! I feel for your son. It is so hard sometimes to know what the right thing to do for your kid is. ::big hugs::
Hya luv, don't worry about what you write, hey i've wrote about all sorts of boring rubbish...lol...and if ya day was boring then what can ya do but write about how boring it was.
Basically if writing to your blog helps you then write about what ever you want and don't worry what others think...it's your blog!
Poor Austin, i wish i knew how to help you with this, i know it can be so hard for some kids to feel a part of what's going on and i know first hand how worrying it can be for you as a mum, there's no right or wrong way to deal with it really...why not go keep him company during his recess, take him a treat, play a game...maybe when the others see him having fun with out them and see that he can be fun to be with they may start to include him more...it's worth a try and at the very least may make Austin feel a little better about himself and not so left out.
Hope all goes well at the doctors, take care hun.
Hi Hun!
Blogging should be something that you enjoy and just want to ramble about. It isn't a chore and shouldn't feel like it either.
That you free-willingly just WRITE! About ANYTHING!
Just blog without obligation! *HUGS* Like- with me... i don't really care if there's an audience or not... (I welcome anyone and it's great, but it's not WHY I blog). I just blog about whatever is on my mind or post about crafts that I've done. Maybe what I do will give someone that needed push to finish their creations. I hope to inspire!
I'm thinking of you hun and hope that your visit to the dr's will help. There's nothing wrong with depression even though it can suck. Don't let it rule you or let you down! I suffer depression too and am on meds. I craft to help motivate myself!
Love ya!!
HUGS!!!
Just dropping by to say hi and to thank you for the lovely comments you left on my blog...thanks hun!
Oh and yes, i do speak to my son quite often...usally on MSN...lol
What can i say...kids!
(((Big Hugs)))
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