Wednesday, January 28, 2009

from the daily om

The idea of trusting the universe is a popular one these days, but many of us don’t know what this really means and we often have a hard time doing it. This is partly because the story of humankind is most often presented as a story about struggle, control, and survival, instead of one of trust and collaboration with the universe. Yet, in truth, we need to adhere to both ideas in this life.
On the one hand, there is much to be said about exerting control over our environment. We created shelter to protect ourselves from the elements. We hunted for animals and invented agriculture to feed ourselves. We built social infrastructures to protect ourselves and create community. This is how we survive and grow as a civilization. However, it is also clear that there are plenty of things that we cannot control, no matter how hard we try, and we often receive support from an unseen force – a universe that provides us with what we cannot provide for ourselves.
It is a good idea to take responsibility for the things in life that we can control or create. We work so we can feed, clothe, and shelter our loved ones and ourselves. We manifest our dreams and visions in physical form with hard work and forethought. But at a certain point, when have done all that we can, we must let go and allow the universe to take over. This requires trust. It requires a trust that runs deeper than just expecting things to turn out the way we want them to. Sometimes they will, and sometimes they won’t. We develop equanimity and grace as we learn to trust that, with the guiding hand of the universe, life will unfold exactly the way it should. We are engaged in an ongoing relationship with a universe that responds to our thoughts and actions.

'Til the next haunt ~

Lost my Way

So I was thinking the other day about my spirituality. I am a Wiccan, a Witch, a Pagan. But lately I have strayed and it's really getting to me. I just don't have the gusto to make it right, either. So here I sit, knowing what I need to do, yet not doing a damn thing about it. I need some inspiration. I need some lift. I need someone to share their good vibes with me. Please.

Anyway, was thinking about my fave songs today too and thought I would post them here for you ~

Papercut ~ Linkin Park
Elsewhere ~ Sarah McLachlan
Never Too Late ~ Three Days Grace
Savin Me ~ Nickelback
Two Weeks ~ All That Remains
Sick Cycle Carousel ~ Lifehouse
Fast Car ~ Tracy Chapman
One Step Closer ~ Linkin Park
Down With the Sickness ~ Disturbed
Loser ~ Three Doors Down
When I'm Gone ~ Three Doors Down
Passive ~ A Perfect Circle
A Current Obsession ~ Lacuna Coil
The Scientist ~ Coldplay
Love Remains the Same ~ Gavin Rossdale
Deliver Me ~ Def Leopard

Anyway, other than that not much has been going on around here. I haven't heard from my lawyer since that first week I lost my job. He is getting medical records together for me and waiting on them to schedule a new hearing. Getting disability is hard ... I have been at this for 2 years. At least I have a lawyer fighting for me.

Well that is it ~

'Til the next haunt ~ ......

Sunday, January 25, 2009

A Sigh

Well remember my friend that I spoke of that hadn't talked to me in years because of a mistake ... well we talked today and it was so nice. She said it was water under the bridge now and to not even worry about it. So that was nice.

Just got back from seeing Underworld : Rise of the Lycans. I thought it was okay. It wasn't too long which was nice. Zach thought it was alright. It was just nice to go to a movie together. Austin is at a friend's house. The same friends spent the night here last night so I had 3 kiddos here .. I really have to admire anyone that has more than one kiddo ... I couldn't do more than one full time I don't think. So kudos to you parents out there ~ you have more strength than me.

The doc gave me a new med for my fibromyalgia ~ Lyrica. It's supposed to help greatly. So far I think it's helping, you have to build up to it. So I am taking it like the directions say and I will let you know how well it does. I just hope that this is the answer to all of the pain. I can't take much more of this pain.

Anyway, that is the latest from me ....

'Til the next haunt .....

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Ace of Cups

I did my card a day drawing from my Celestial Tarot deck and I drew the Ace of Cups. Meaning new hope, new beginings, spiritual fulfillment, love, intmacy and happiness. I am hoping this means that my new found quest to return to my spiritual side is just on the horizon. I have strayed in the last year or so, not even reading anything, so I must get back to it.

Austin had a 4 day weekend .. tomorrow being the last night. Or today I guess I should say. My days and nights are running together as I am awake again in the middle of the night. This pain is just unbearable. I wish the doctor's could do more. I go see him again Thursday so am going to ask him about it.

There is just not much TV on at this time of the morning. I am watching Fresh Prince of Bel Air right now .... I just finished watching some recordings I had of The L Word and The New Adventures of Old Christine. Gotta love DVR.

Zach is feeling better so that is good. His throat still hurts but other than that, he seems to be doing better. So that makes me happy.

We haven't been doing much, Austin and me have just been hanging around the house while Zach is at work. I don't have the energy to do much, so we cuddle a lot.

Lost comes back Wednesday!!!!! I am so so excited :)

Anyway, til the next haunt ....

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Flare ups and Sickness

I haven't been sleeping lately. I am in a flare up and it's killing me :( I will be glad when this passes.

Austin won student of the month for january. I took lots of pics and when I get them downloaded I will post them here. This is a big accomplishment for him, a really huge deal. I am so proud!

Zach is getting sick so he has been resting all day. .. so have I. We are a pair aren't we?!

The L Word premieres Sunday ~ I am so excited. Psych came back last week and Lost comes back Wednesday. I cannot wait!

Anyway, that is about it for now ... just wanted to do a quick post. Hope that you are all doing well.

'Til the next haunt ......

Thursday, January 15, 2009

now I Tremble

I have been feeling very statalgic lately. I remembered my best friend's phone number that I had when I was younger. The relationship ended when I didn't show up to her wedding. The guy I was dating at the time was very controlling and abusive and wouldn't let me go. So the friendship dissolved and it's been 5 years and I have not talked to her. I called her today and left her a message so we will see. Hopefully maybe she will call back.

I have been awake since 11pm last night and I am still not tired. My body is physically hurting and exhausted but I just can't get to sleep.

I have been studying the Tarot and trying to learn to read cards. The goal is for me to start doing readings online. I am fascinated by it and I found an amazing forum ~ Aeclectic Tarot ~ with some amazing information on there and the people are just so nice!

I am going to breakfast tomorrow with a friend of mine, Lisa. She is going to pick me up at 8. I am excited, I don't get to see her too often and I don't get out of the house much either so this will be nice.

Well I guess that about wraps up the latest from me ... leaving you will a song, by All that Remains .... "Behind Silence and Solitude":

you face me in silence and hope is in your eyesunspoken yet pleading you wait for my replyalone now i tremble in want of your embracelet not tears fall for me, let me show the waydon't know why you have such belief in mto justify this i'd try eternallyi will not forget what you've done for meshed not a tear i'll be with you endlesslyhow i wish i could saywhat you want to hearlong ago i swore that i'd always keep you neari know now it seems like my vow was empty thenbut in time you will see i'd do it all againi lie back close my eyes againthe dreams are theremy last chance slipped awayyou'll never know i caredi count this with reason as most of my regretnow i hope you can see that i will not forget

Monday, January 12, 2009


That is what happened at my job today ... I was terminated. For missing too many days of work. I can't help it that I was sick .... the manager and everyone were crying ... they didn't want me to go but those are the rules. Meh. I don't know what I am going to do now .... I have been trying to get disability for a couple of years now and going to try even harder now. I have a call in to my lawyer.

On a good note, Kate Winslet won TWO Golden Globes last night ~ I couldn't be happier!

The Giants lost their football game so they are out of the playoffs now ... I really wanted them to win! I love Eli Manning, the quaterback. So I am sad about that.....

Anyway, will post more soon, just gotta process this all in my head .......

Thursday, January 1, 2009


Well happy new year! I can't believe it's 2009 already. I hope this year is a great one and I am determined to make it that way. I am going to reconnect with my spirituality this year, I have strayed away from it and I need to embrace it once again and get close to the Goddess. That is why I am re reading Dianne Sylvan's book The Circle Within. That always inspires me.

I am missing Austin ... he is still at his dad's for the holidays. We pick him up Sunday and I cannot wait!

We went out for New Year's last night for a couple of hours. The place we went was crowded and there were no places to sit. We still had fun, though. We got home before midnight and watched the ball drop on TV. It was nice to celebrate quietly.

I am also determined to blog more this year ~ so expect to see more of me!

'Til the next haunt ....